Every Word Counts with Athletes

Remember that advice: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” It smacks of the schoolyard. Yet, when it comes to working with young athletes, it’s important to remember every word matters. This is true for both coaches and parents.

In a conversation with Soccer Coach Weekly, Dan Abrahams pointed out that sports psychology “is always happening.” With every word you say, you’re having an impact. The sports psychologist, who has worked with USWNT player Allie Long and Everton FC’s Yannick Bolasie, is quick to point out its not more important than technique and tactics. But, it is a critical part of the equation.

Coaches and parents, especially in high-performance environments, can easily impact motivation, confidence, focus, and other mental aspects of what went on in a practice or on the pitch.

It is going to depend on the athlete’s age and experience level, but your communication can have an impact on participation, progression, and performance, Abrahams said. 

We’re so socialized to focus on winning and performance, but the “mental framework” makes all the difference, Abrahams stated. That’s a piece of the outcome that parents and coaches can actually influence and the athlete may be able to control.

A Mental Narrative Shift

Parents and coaches want the best for the players. There’s little doubt about that. But some of the ways we phrase our encouragement can be challenging. For instance, motivating a child by putting pressure on them to score, could be causing stress instead of helping with goal-setting.

A narrative shift for that young player being challenged to score could be as simple as looking at what needs to be done to make scoring possible. 

Or, when a young athlete is wrapped up in a particular mindset, finding a way to change that person’s point of view can require just an open question. Perhaps someone is feeling anxious before a game. The stress means their bodies are releasing cortisol, triggering the body’s alarm system. 

Noticing this, a coach or parent, might ask a few questions that take the player’s mind in a new direction: “What video game are you playing these days?” “What kind of cool movies have you watched recently?” These can get the young athlete out of the anxiety groove and give the body a chance to calm down before things get worse. 

“You’ve changed the inner picture that player is seeing and you’ve changed the experience of that person’s nervous system and you’ve possibly put a smile on this person’s face,” Abrahams said. 

Providing Positive Sporting Experiences

The reality of it is that adults too often bring elements of the adult game, and the professional game we see on the TV, into the junior game, says Gordon MacLelland, CEO of Working with Parents in Sport. But this may not lead to the best possible sporting experience.

Most parents, when asked, will say they want their child to gain confidence or learn resilience, creativity and communication skills from soccer. Yet MacLelland notes the behaviors don’t always back that up. 

Saying “it’s a big game today” before a match can ramp up the pressure and have a negative impact on the field. And the car journey home is an important time too. The player may already be focused on what they’ll eat next and who’s home to hangout with, but the adult wants to debrief the game in-depth. Blaming the ref or another player may help the adult process the loss, but the kid may well have moved on already!

Let’s say you’re not at the game, what are the first questions asked to catch up with the child athlete afterwards? Often it’s “Did you win?” Or “Did you score?” They may be the obvious questions, but they can inadvertently undermine the goals of the child participating in the sport. That says the outcome is more important than the process, MacLelland said.

Ultimately, consider what you are trying to accomplish in your communications with athletes. Just putting a few moments thought into the mental game can add efficacy in coaching and parenting the person, the player, and the performer. Being aware of what you’re communicating to an athlete with your words and body language supports a holistic approach to sports success.